A Broken and a Contrite Heart
In Psalm 51:17 it says, "The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise." And in Psalm 34:18, "The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit." The word contrite means to bruise, break in pieces, or humble. Back in the late 80's, probably '87, '88 and on, it seems my heart stayed in this state. The things God was doing in my life, and the paths He was leading me down were to humble me and break my stony heart, and quite frankly, I went through several painful years. The Word of God that I would sow in my heart and words spoken by the Spirit of God out of Doyle's mouth would break my heart in pieces and deal with my soul to bring it to a humble state. But I thank God for those years, because during that time when my heart was broken and contrite, the Lord spoke some profound things to me. It says He is near those whose heart and spirit are like that.
August 1987 was when the Lord sent an angel, for a 2-3 week period, to speak to me concerning things about my life that would take place, that had been ordained from the foundation of the world. After that time, God, by His Spirit, started leading me down righteous paths to deal with my heart to prepare me so that I could receive by faith the promises He had spoken to me. I remember one night, probably in 1989, as I was taking a bath, I was thinking in my heart about what that angel had spoken to me, and quite frankly, wondering how much longer this was going to be before God would perform what He had spoken to me. Notice I said 'thinking in my heart'. (I am sure I felt in my heart I could not go any further and was rather weary in well doing.) And right then and there the Lord spoke to me and said, "Do you want this your way or mine?" I immediately said, "NO, I don't want this my way. I want this your way, because I know all your ways are perfect and all your works are done in truth." You have no idea how this blessed me to know what was in my heart that came up out of my mouth. It says in Mark 7 that out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh. I had read numerous times in the Psalms about all of God's ways being perfect and all of His works being done in truth (through the gospel), and those scriptures were definitely in my heart. And right after I spoke that to the Lord, I was reminded of I Samuel 7 where a group of people (Jews) wanted a king to rule over them instead of the Lord, and God had Samuel tell them what manner of king this would be that would reign over them and what he would require of them. But they still wanted that king. And the Lord told Samuel, "Hearken unto their voice, and make them a king." After this dialogue (between the Lord and me) was over, it probably scared me a little bit to think what He might have done had I said I wanted this 'my way'. But the Lord obviously knew how I was going to answer Him and that is why He asked the question - he wanted to prove to me where my heart was on this. And in my heart I wanted His perfect way and will - not to say that doubt and unbelief would not manifest on numerous occasions in the days and years ahead - because it did!! But you know, God knows what is in the heart of an individual and He does not commit to every man, because He knows what is in them - John 2:24-25. He knows if He can deal with a heart or not, and one thing I know is God has committed to me on several things, and He knew when He committed to me He could bring my heart to a place where He would be able to perform His Word in my life. So I know He is faithful to perform what He has said, as long as I obey Him (Jeremiah 18:10) - and there is no question about me doing that! He has brought me too far to turn back now - and all that is 'back' is destruction.
There was another time after this, when I was in my car driving home one night praying, and again - just 'thinking in my heart' how hard things were and wondering where the 'end' was (doubt and unbelief!), and the Lord spoke to me and told me to 'endure this hardness as a good soldier of Jesus Christ'. I looked up that word endure and it means to 'undergo hardship or affliction'. Walk through it. The only thing that brought me through all this was the power of the resurrected Christ working in me both to will and do of his good pleasure. It says in Hebrews 4 that we can come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need. And II Corinthians 4:15 says that thanksgiving causes the abundant grace of God to abound. And God has shown me much mercy and grace over the years because I would always humble myself (sometimes not easily, but with some help!), and He says He grants grace to the humble. I would worship Him and praise Him and give Him thanks and His grace would always abound on my behalf.
I went through a long period of time when I felt like a rubber band that was being stretched as far as it could, and that at any moment I would break in pieces - and many times I did, but the Lord was always right there delivering my hard, stony heart. I think He had great pleasure in putting me in certain situations for that very purpose. And when He would break through that hardness in my heart, is when He would speak some amazing things to me. Isaiah 57:15 says, "For thus saith the high and lofty One that inhabiteth eternity, whose name is Holy; I dwell in the high and holy place, with him also that is of a contrite and humble spirit, to revive (make alive, quicken, or restore) the spirit of the humble, and to revive the heart of the contrite ones."
In February '93, one afternoon when things were really hard, I had taken my bible and was going in my bedroom to read. I opened the bible and it opened to the book of Ruth, and I started to turn the pages when God stopped me and in my spirit I heard the Lord tell me to read the book of Ruth. I knew when He spoke that to me that He was getting ready to talk to me - I knew it in my spirit. I do not ever remember reading in Ruth before, but that day God spoke to me and gave me another profound promise! (They all are when He speaks them.) So I started reading, and when I got to the 2nd chapter God broke my heart wide open and I just started weeping. He told me that He was going to recompense my work, and a full reward would be given me of the Lord God of Israel, under whose wings I had come to trust. I just sat on my bed and wept, for I don't know how long. That was an incredible thing to me, but I knew it to be true because over the years, I had, without any doubt, come to trust the Lord Jesus, and no one else! I knew (and had prayed many, many times) that the Lord is my shield and my buckler, my refuge and my strength, my fortress, and my high tower, my God in whom I trust.
Psalm 126:5 says those that sow in tears shall reap in joy, and I will be honest and tell you, I have sown many tears and I am about to reap in joy. Luke 6:21 says that blessed are ye that weep now: for ye shall laugh; and I am going to say something here that I believe is right to say, but while all the laughing was going on at Water of Life, I was doing much weeping and sowing many tears. But there is a joy that I have never known that I am getting ready to see manifest in my life. Praise God! There were times I did not understand why God was having to lead me the way He was, and doing the things in my life the way He was, because there were some very hard and difficult times, no doubt. But I can say in all honesty, that is where I learned obedience and where I learned to trust Him, and I thank Him for every one of them because they have definitely done a work of righteousness in my heart. The wisdom of God knows the exact path to lead a person down to cause that person to obtain the promises He has made to them - and if I had gotten my way, I would have 'messed' it up for sure. But thank God He was in charge. He says His thoughts are not my thoughts, neither His ways, my ways - but they are higher than mine - thank God! And that the Word that has gone forth out of His mouth will not return unto Him void, but it will accomplish that which He pleases, and prosper whereunto He sends it - Isaiah 55. I lived on these verses for a long time because they would minister and encourage my heart. Ephesians 3:20 also goes along with this about God being able to do exceeding, abundantly above all that we can think or ask, according to the power that worketh in us. And everything He has said to me, that has been and will be performed in my life, has been just that - exceeding, abundantly above! It is just better to present your body to God and let him do with it as He desires, because it will be far greater than anything you could do with it. And you will not be disappointed!!
I am going to add something here that I have shared before in my testimony "Blessed Is The Man....", and that is in May '94 when my heart was in a broken and contrite state over something that had gone on with one of the kids, and the Lord sent an angel into my bedroom early that next morning and spoke to me Psalm 112:1-2 about Travis and Amy. That was a powerful thing to me, even though I had read those verses many, many times, to have an angel come and speak this to me. And to this day I have not let God forget that, because I will see that take place with these two! That was probably one of the most encouraging things I have had the Lord speak to me, because I have seen little desire with them to serve the Lord, and I have no problem telling you this. But the Lord was saying to me, because I have feared Him and have delighted greatly in His commandments (Words), Travis and Amy will be great on the earth - and that simply means that they will serve God with their spirit in this gospel. There is nothing greater on this earth that any of us will ever do.
I would encourage you this day to do as it states in Psalm 37:3-6:
vs. 3 "Trust in the Lord, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed.
vs. 4 Delight thyself also in the Lord; and He shall give thee the desires of thine heart.
vs. 5 Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him; and He shall bring it to pass.
vs. 6 And He shall bring forth thy righteousness as the light, and thy judgment as the noon-day."
Until next time, God bless you!
