Blessed is the Man That Feareth the Lord
"Blessed is the man that feareth the Lord, that delighteth greatly in his commandments. His seed shall be mighty upon earth: the generation of the upright shall be blessed." Psalm 112:1-2. One of the hardest things I have had to believe God for is my children. Travis is 17 and Amy is 15. They were both answered prayers and I thank God for them.
One day I was sitting on my sofa (this was in 1980) and I remember telling the Lord, "I sure would like to have a child, and I really would like a boy first with blonde hair and blue eyes. But you know what is best for me to have, so I trust you." Shortly after that I became pregnant and 9 months later Travis entered the world. I truly believe God put that prayer in my heart to pray that day. In Psalm 37:4 it says God will give you the desires (or asking) of your heart. The desires are the ones He puts there. The same thing happened in 1982. I was talking to the Lord and told Him I believed I was ready for another child, and how I would like this one to be a girl. But again I added, "Lord, if this is your will, you know what is best for me and you give me what you want me to have." November 15, 1983 Amy was born.
During my pregnancy with Travis, the devil hit me hard from the very first. I was sick morning, noon and night. I did not know until years later, after coming to Water of Life, it was a curse in my life. I thought some people just had morning sickness and mine happened to be more than just in the mornings. A spirit of fear also entered me during this time, and I would absolutely have 'panic attacks'. It was crazy, but it was real - fear is real and it is also bondage. God has delivered me over the past 13 years from much fear - thank God. (Things were a little better when I was pregnant with Amy, I was sick only in the mornings.)
When we came to Water of Life Church in August 1985, Travis was 4 years old and Amy was close to 2. So both of them have had this gospel sown in their hearts most of their lives. I will be honest and say that I have not seen the results that Jesus has promised me, but I am getting ready to. But right now I do not pay attention to what I see, I look to Jesus the author and finisher of my faith. Praise God. That Word (being the gospel) that has been sown in their hearts, as is states in Matthew 13, one of these hours will spring forth just as it says in Mark 4:26-29. I have seen what this Word has done and continues to do to my heart and God is no respecter of persons.
Over the years, many things have been exposed in their hearts (as well as in mine), and the light of the glorious gospel is what shines in our hearts to expose all of this darkness. At times it has been difficult knowing how to deal with certain things in their lives, but I will say what has helped me is how Doyle has dealt with me in my walk with the Lord. One thing he has not done is 'pet my devils'. If I was in a wrong spirit or talking unbelief, he would confront me with the truth, and not always did I appreciate it. I am thankful now that he did, because love will speak the truth - I Corinthians 13:6. And there have been tremendous changes in me because of it, and there still are changes taking place! Praise God. This is a continual process that takes place in our hearts, until we go to be with the Lord, to conform us to the image of Jesus.
The Lord showed me back in l987 or 1988 (about Doyle) II Corinthians 13:10 how Paul told the Corinthians, "therefore I write these things being absent, lest being present I should use sharpness, according to the power which the Lord hath given me to edification, and not to destruction." Also II Corinthians 10:8, "For though I should boast somewhat more of our authority, which the Lord hath given us for edification, and not for your destruction, I should not be ashamed..." I shared in my testimony on "Overcoming the Jezebel", how I was always a very sensitive person and this was a work of that spirit in me. (What was sensitive was my feelings or emotions). Doyle did not let my 'sensitivity', or feelings, affect his dealing with me in the Spirit. And there have been many times he seemed very 'sharp' with me, but it was for my edification and not for my destruction.
I remember him saying on more than one occasion, that if you do not confront the devil out of people's mouths when they are in the wrong spirit, those spirits will bind you up. Jesus was not afraid to confront people, and if we are being led by the Spirit, neither should we be. He also has said that there are times when you just walk off.
Back in May 1994, there was something that had gone on with one of the kids, I do not even remember the situation, but Doyle and I had been talking about it and he said some really strong and hard things to me. That night in bed, inside of me my spirit was grieved and all I could get out of my mouth was, "Lord, you know I am believing you with all that is within me for these kids." There was a knot in my throat, (and not a physical one), and I could not say any more because my heart was so burdened. I finally went to sleep and about 6:00 a.m. the next morning, an angel of the Lord walked in my bedroom and his presence woke me up. I saw this angel (and no, he was not a 12 foot angel!), but he was about 5' 7" or 5' 8" and he had a slender build. He walked in the doorway and came right by the edge of the bed (on my side) and never stopped walking as he said, "Blessed are they that fear the Lord, for their seed shall be great on the earth", and then he left the room. You have no idea what this did to me. I had read that in Psalm 112 many times, but when this angel spoke that to me by the Spirit, I did rejoice. There were tears rolling down my cheeks and all I could say was, "Thank you, Jesus." I knew God had heard my cry the night before. I will always be thankful to the Lord for sending that angel to 'minister' that to me, and I have never let Him forget it (or my children). I have reminded Travis and Amy of this on numerous occasions when their rebellion was coming out in full force.
Travis and I have had some real interesting conversations over the past several years. I have told him many times that he will believe this gospel and he will serve God with his spirit in it, (Abraham commanded his children), and he would tell me, "I'm not going to walk in this gospel and I'm not going to preach this gospel." This would remind of Matthew 21:28-32, where the man had two sons, and he came to the first one and told him to go to work in the vineyard, but the son said he would not, but afterward he repented and went. He went to the second son and said the same thing, and this son said he would go, but did not. The first one is who did his father's will. I would say to Travis, "It does not matter what you say, Travis, I do not pay any attention to that. I believe what God sent that angel to tell me and nothing else. It does not matter how you act, I believe this gospel and nothing else will move me." You know, I have always overcome his hard, unbelieving heart. In Romans 3:3-4 it says, "For what if some did not believe? Shall their unbelief make the faith of God without effect? God forbid....."
When God tells me something, or puts it in my spirit, you better know there is no one that can take it from me. I have told the Lord on more than one occasion, you better not tell me something if you do not expect me to believe it. Because I will stick with it until I see the manifestation of what I am believing for. That is faith in the gospel. And it has taken 13 years of God plowing my stony heart, and He is still working on it. Hebrews 11:1 says, "Now faith is the substance (or confidence) of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen."
Travis and Amy are no different than any of the rest of us - their soul is what fights the things of the Spirit. The soul does not want to serve God, but Jesus overcame His soul by walking by faith, and we will have to do the same thing also.
Everything God has promised me, I have had to fight with everything within me to overcome so I could obtain it. It does not matter how big or small it is, either. If it is by the Spirit, you will fight to get it. Jesus did say we were to fight the good fight of faith. One thing that tells me is if you are not fighting, you are not in faith. It is through faith and patience (continuance) you inherit the promises.
So believing God for Travis and Amy has been a fight, but how God has dealt with me out of Doyle's heart and mouth by the Spirit has helped me in dealing with both of them.
Just a few weeks ago (middle of November 1998), one Sunday night on the way to church in my car, I was worshipping and praising God, and the Lord spoke to me and told me something that I had been saying concerning Travis and Amy was unbelief. And the unbelief did come out of my heart right then and there. When He spoke that to me, it was the kindest and most compassionate voice, and I did appreciate it. (I have had Him rebuke me sharply, also). Anyway, there have been some good changes since then and I expect to see more and more, because Travis and Amy will serve God with their spirit in this gospel! My prayer is that you will too.
In closing, just remember that serving God with your spirit in this gospel is being 'great' on this earth. Psalm 112:1-2.
